SENSORY JOURNAL 010: Reflections

Written by Margaret Stoll

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Posted on January 29 2025

Reflections: after the fires.

It feels like the last few weeks have taught us so much. Yet at the same time, it feels like things we really knew all along were just amplified. Some things came up that I have known I should have done already like make an emergency kit/go bag, make sure my savings account is in a good place (or even exists). Go through my files and photos and make sure the most important ones are in a safe place. I finally did all these things I’ve been putting off for years.

And through our collective heartbreak and mourning for Los Angeles, I was reminded of a lot of things I already knew. Hyper-local is everything. Small businesses and non-profits are essential because they will be the first to serve on the ground, and are the first to know the actual needs of the community. The people we can rely on most are our neighbors. People who don’t have much will give you the shirt off their backs. Corporations who have everything will be happy to silently profit off of disaster. I knew all these things. But now it’s as if I can’t ignore them.

I haven’t shopped on Amazon since 2019. And I promise you it hasn’t made my life any bit more inconvenient. I don’t even think about it aside from having to scroll past their sponsored results on Google search. I haven’t shopped from any corporate fashion brand since then either. I only lasted on TikTok for about a month before I deleted it. Not because I was against it, but I was already too burnt out from Instagram to think about another social media app. My car was totaled in 2020. While I share a car with my partner now, he commutes to LA 5-6 days a week so I essentially haven’t had a car since 2020. It kind of feels like the best thing that ever happened to me?! As someone privileged enough to have lived within three miles of where I work for the last five years, walking and public transit has been such a blessing to my wallet and my mental health! When I was starting my business, the big banks I had been banking with nearly my whole adult life scoffed at me when I inquired about business loans, while simultaneously I learned they were funneling money into fossil fuels. In 2020, I shifted to a local business bank, and an online climate-friendly bank. After typing this, I’m realizing the devastation of 2020 may have been the leading force to making all these changes and choices I knew I needed to make. The devastation of this month feels like it might be another one of those moments.

Illustration by People I've Loved
This time, for me, the focus feels like it is on where are spending our attention and where we are spending our money. When we all saw Zuckerberg, Musk, and Bezos sitting behind Trump at the inauguration, I think that’s when it really hit. Oligarchy? Late stage capitalism? I don’t know, but it doesn’t sit well. I’m starting to see a slow exodus from Meta platforms, and honestly, I’m searching for my path out too. Maybe I feel like I need permission? I’m not sure. I’ve been reluctantly continuing on these apps for the past year without feeling like I’m gaining much from them anymore. But it has been my main avenue of connection to my customer base and most of you, so the biggest fear is certainly losing that. I also find a lot of inspiration there, and certainly useful information particularly in times of crisis. But launching my Substack with this journal entry today is a test for myself to see if there’s another way, something better out there. Because I’ve done work to live through my values, and Meta as a business does not match my values, yet it’s getting nearly 1/3rd of my attention every day?! Yikes. There is a grieving going on of the way it used to be and feel on instagram. How we used to be able to easily discover one another’s art, pull up a feel-good feed full of inspiration, stay connected and build connections. But if I’m honest it really hasn’t felt like that in a long time, right?

We’ve seen many small businesses shuttering over the last two years, a lot of which is also influenced by the changing digital and economic landscape. As a small business owner, I can tell you sales and foot traffic have steadily decreased since 2021, while costs of doing business have steadily increased. It’s hard to know at what point in the decrease you should call it quits, and sometimes I think many of the small business owners who’ve made that choice already are the smart ones. But I also firmly believe in the essential need for small businesses and that’s one of the only reasons I, and many others, are still going. It’s not because we are making money. But we will need to start making more if we want to stay on this path of existence. We want to offer you something different, something more ethical, something of better quality, something unique, something inspiring through our offerings. We want to benefit our communities by giving you your favorite local stores, by giving you places to go within a quick walk or bus ride to your home, give you a place where you can touch and feel and try on products before you buy them, a safe space for you to work and safe spaces for you to gather and be, space to showcase other local creatives, a space to provide opportunity to folks who may not find it elsewhere. These things are so important to a community. And it absolutely takes a community to make sure it survives.

The only thing I miss about driving and commutes is listening to KCRW. KCRW feels like one of those spaces to me, it’s hyper-local while also keeping me informed of global news, it is a constant source of inspiration through music and learning, it’s given me opportunities to attend great in-person events in my community, it’s been my audio-version of a safe space since I moved to California! In 2013 during one of their pledge drive campaigns it finally hit me that I’d been consuming from this incredible resource and never showed them my support. I’ve been giving them $5 a month ever since - which never felt like enough - but when you consider it over 10+ years, it feels better! And as a small business owner, I know too well that small sustained support is often even more important that one-off big purchases. I talk a lot about sustainability in the environmental sense, but we also need to consider how we are keeping our communities sustainable in the financial sense. If we can commit $5, $10 a month to the local businesses we value most, or maybe it’s $50 every two months, however it makes sense in your budget, small changes and efforts is how we begin to support and sustain our community.
Illustration by artist John Holcroft of an adult handing a burning planet to a child
Amazon and it’s Union-busting practices doesn’t need us, Target and their recent anti-DEI actions doesn’t need us, Starbucks and their cancelling of public restroom access and free community gathering space doesn’t need us. Meta and their biased algorithms do in fact need us (which actually gives us the power?), but we don’t really need them. Their actions are never for us at the end of the day. I consider myself very lucky to live in a large, walkable city, because it is very easy for me to find local alternatives for most of my essential needs, and find local options for all of my wants. I have certainly not reached perfection, I’m definitely still buying too many plastic-packaged products at the grocery store, I’d like to go to the farmers market more often, I’d like to compost, but I just haven’t gotten there yet. And that’s okay, we all have to remember as we move forward in spending our attention and dollars more consciously that we must start where we are, do what we can, and strive for progress, not perfection.

It was clear after the fires, given the excessive amount of used clothing and goods that were donated, that we are all over-consuming. Especially when it comes to clothing and fashion. It was actually jarring for me to see my first SHEIN product in person when sorting donated clothes for a relief center (and it was just as terrible in quality, if not more so, than I expected). We’ve seen incredible organizations like SUAY step up to divert over 50,000 pounds (yes you read that number right!) of donated, yet unwearable, clothes from the landfill. They’re working hard to build sustainable circularity in our community and finding ways to upcycle this insane amount of textiles (you can support their efforts by sponsoring a SUAY-it-forward recycling bag HERE). I would argue, if you’re looking for a place to start changing your habits, fashion is one of the most important places to start. We have some great small shop options in Long Beach at so many different price points, and I’d be happy to offer you recommendations of some if my shop doesn’t match your style or budget. Even when making what feels like a big investment purchase, I have learned to not feel bad or guilty about any purchases made at a small business because I know most of that money is going right back into the community. There are so many ways to shop our values, and I encourage you next time you’re planning to make a purchase online, do a little research and see if you can find an alternative within your local community. Go out and discover some new restaurants and shops in your neighborhood. I believe collectively we have the power to keep our communities sustainable and safe. Because as we saw this month, we got us!

I have been absolutely moved by the organizing and generosity of greater Los Angeles over the past month, and it made me fall in love with California and its people all over again. And while it’s been a very very difficult month to do ‘business as usual’, it also has reinforced my mission to exist as a small business, and as a sustainable fashion boutique. Our cities here have been in recovery already for years, and to have to add a new layer of recovery to that feels overwhelming. But the possibilities have always been endless in LA, and I’m keeping faith that it’s possible for us to help our small businesses and non-profits exist that add value to our lives directly. I’m focused on going back to basics at Burke, and tapping into the energy I had my first year of business when everything was new, exciting, and possible. And when thinking about sustainability, I have some other exciting changes happening in the space that I’m excited to also share soon. Thank you for being here, your support and even your attention is never taken for granted, and I’m so grateful to have been in existence in and of service in this community for almost 7 years. While many things in this country feel scary and unknown, doubling down on support in my community feels more right than ever. Shop small, eat seasonal, support local art, volunteer your time, join buy-nothing groups, attend repair cafes, search secondhand, ship less, show up IRL. I hope you’ll join me in doubling down on building sustainable communities, where you are and wherever you are. 

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